PEOPLE:
Akshay Kumar as Viraj, Kareena as Sim.
Stallone, Denise, Brandon Routh play themselves, and will probably end their lives if they ever happen to watch their acts.
Amrita Arora also plays her real self. Dumb, that is.
PLOT:
Super stuntman hates women. Supermodel cum medico hates men. By bizarre scheme of things, she operates him and accidentally leaves her watch inside his tummy. The watch sings every hour. She has to feign love to get it back.
Funny. Thinks writer Sabbir Khan.
Not so funny. Says people who saw Pammal K Sambandham.
What an interesting coincidence, says director Sabbir Khan.
Cmon. There are changes. This has the hero farting on Amrita’s face. Do u think Kamal did that? Also Kareena, unlike Simran, lowers her skirt and bends down in two scenes to show more cleavage. This even has Hollywood superstars making absolute fools out of themselves.
Not plagiarism. Sure. Even Mouli & Mohan wouldn’t want to own this one.
Following are some from the fantastic medley of the dirtiest, lousiest, crappiest lame sexist humor we have seen in recent times.
SCENE 1:
Kodak Theatre. Hollywood. Taurus stunt awards.
The scene shows prize declaration for ‘Best body double’. No shit for guessing the winner.
And the handing over is done by (jackpot prizes for guessing that)….. Sylvester Stallone. Yaay!!
And Sly actually knows Viraj by name. Wow.
And the crowd who took pains to attend this ‘massive’ event includes Pitt & Jolie, Cruise, Di Caprio, Kate Winslet, Bruce Willis etc. It is Oscar footage of course, but some kinda logic there, please???
And just after Viraj’s super-lame-emo speech (in hard kaur Punjabi!), the watch rings its hourly melody.
Mangalam Bhagawan Vishnu……..
Our lovely heroine in the crowd springs up in horror, and places her hand over her chest in shock.
Seeing this, an idiotic celebrity sitting nearby thinks it is…. behold…. The Indian National Anthem…
Whole of Kodak are on their feet in seconds… Even Sly.
And the whole of the theatre here, were covering their faces in embarrassment.
SCENE 2:
After Sim rejects him, Viraj is in depression.
And we have Denise Richards (yeah man!), come and sit on his lap. Sweet Jesus!
She is smitten by this guy and wants to have ‘golden’ babies with him… (Golden? whatever that means)
So Viraj says okay to marriage. After ‘much’ reluctance. (Over Kareena? That is a difficult choice, huh? )
Star wipe to marriage set on the beach…
Sim realizes her mistake (Viraj had just ‘slept’ with her that fateful day. Nothin more…. What a loser!)
She rushes in a Beetle with Aftab and Amrita. Another top speed race in busy Beverly Hills.
Due to all the excitement, poor Beetle loses control and strays into a dark alley.
Yankee goons jump out of nowhere saying… “This is our neighborhood. How dare u come in here? Leave the gals and run for ur life”. And the ritual fight ensues.
And to think, we blast them for thinking India is all about Maharajas and their elephants.
Aftab can’t act to save his life. He can’t fight to save his life either.
So one hopes for a happy ending of a different kind. The baddies kill him and rape the other two. Wow.
But no. This is Bollywood. And this is Sabbir Khan.
So, in that dingy alley, in the middle of Beverly, comes a rescuer. And you thought Stallone had done enough for his share of the crores? Hell, no.
He jumps out of nowhere. And takes all of them down. Misery continues.
And what is unbelievably bizarre, is that the American gangsters didn’t seem to care it was their legendary superstar John Rambo fighting them. Anyways.
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PS: Sim reaches wedding right on time. Looks at Denise and asks Viraj. Why do this ‘galti’?
U skinny bitch, u called Denise Richards a Galti? What are you then, a Balti?
Enough of it. Denise makes way for true love. Assholes unite.
Happy ending.
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As end credits roll, there are about 25 lip locks between the leads. Yuck.
3 comments:
Wow... Here is another movie which think I will give a pass after reading this blog... I want the next review on "Yaaruku Yaar Stepni"... Jai Sam Anderson..
Hmm....btw who forced u to see the movie???lol
Well everyone who reviewed the movie said the same.
So u went to see the movie bcos u hav excess money and dnt knw wat to do with it or u thought film critics are shit in front of u...lol
If its the former u could always give us treat :P
Btw the post is funny...even though u thought the movie wasnt.lol
@ Suresh: Sure man... But that one looks like Benhur in front of this!
@ Rags: Man, stop. I'd file a case against u for mocking the underprivileged class, but i don't have the dough... HA HA... And thanks for the kind words..
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